@Vodkantots: I bet if that Malaysian plane had stolen tweets, some of you guys would've found it already.
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@Floatersfinest: People laugh cos I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?
@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."
@HatfieldAnne: “What Would Princess Diana Look Like If She Was Alive Today?” I clicked on this. Older.