@Fred_Delicious: I bet Lincoln is looking down like "dude, trust me, that is not a bad night in a theater"
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@RealPrincessKim: You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life.
@deardilettante: A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers.
@AbrasiveGhost: ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun