@Fred_Delicious: I bet Lincoln is looking down like "dude, trust me, that is not a bad night in a theater"
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@IvoryGazelle: [preparing dinner] Him: *making mashed potatoes* I feels like you don’t trust my cooking Me: *also making mashed potatoes* don’t be silly
@karencreets: Blah blah blah employee handbook, just get to the point where you say if you're gonna drug test me or not
@ShortSleeveSuit: HER: i’m leaving you ME: is it because i drink my cologne first and then spit it all over myself? HER: i mean what else would it be