@Fred_Delicious: I bet Lincoln is looking down like "dude, trust me, that is not a bad night in a theater"
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@necrosocks: [Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: "What the-"
@Vodkantots: 3: Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy? Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired? Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom? Me: 3:
@DanMentos: My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder.
@AmishPornStar1: Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."