@rolldiggity: I bet other insects hate it when they ask a caterpillar how she became a butterfly, and she's all, "Just diet and exercise, guys!"
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@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.
@ItsAndyRyan: Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month.
@Roweboat13G: *boss stops meeting* Mike, is there something you'ld like to share with the whole group? Me: Nooooo, that's why I whispered it to Alan.
@AnOrangeSNES: Have you heard about the late great actor? "Wow, he's dead?" *Actor strolls in* Nope, just never on time.