@TheMichaelRock: I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their shit.
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@Anon_o_Mom: My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room.
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing.
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"