@AaronFullerton: I bet the frankincense guy was all like, "Let's put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us."
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@shatty48: Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets.
@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
@djdarrellripley: Her: I noticed you're wearing one green sock, and one red sock. Me: Yea, I've got another pair just like these at home...