@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rickkondell: That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp, and kill your dog.
@SodomyClown: If someone says "I will do anything for you" lean in really close and say "There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."
@thejessigirl45: Does anyone else bring a bag of clever disguises to the grocery store in case there's a wine sampling booth that day?
@ValeeGrrl: I take it personally when the UPS guy drops off a package for my neighbors but doesn't bring me one.