@illTortuga: I bet Usher shows everyone to their seats at his concerts.
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@Christweetpher_: [black jack] DEALER: 14 ME: hit me D: 16 M: hit me D: 23 M: hit me D: M: D: M: make it look good so my wife believes I was mugged
@brandonIee: If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you
@topaz_kell: "Your bathroom has better lighting for selfies" wasn't a good enough excuse for my surprised neighbor getting out of the shower. So uptight.
@SomthinBoutSara: I'm gonna pretend my dad didn't abandon me but is actually on the missing Malaysia air flight and he'll be back