@Papa_Mex: I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle...
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@preciousadidas: Biden: So here's the plan, I'll tackle him and you go in for the knockout Obama: Joe please. Biden: too far? Okay what about- Obama
@jonnysun: grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road
@WheelTod: [Staring at bedroom ceiling] Her:Don't worry. It happens to every guy Me:Not to me it doesn't! *resumes trying to unscrew lid from pasta jar
@NickSwardson: Thank god 4 the guy at the bar yelling "YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT!!!" when a receiver drops the ball. Had no idea he was supposed to catch it.