@qwertying: I bet you $4,567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
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@deardilettante: If I were Cinderella, I wouldn't have settled for a guy who couldn't even remember what my face looked like.
@Burger_Time_: ppl always judge adam & eve for listening to the talking serpent but u never hear a single person say anything about dr doolittle
@jonnysun: *touches a turtel* *dies* *touches a plant* *dies* wow mario are u allergic to evreything or wat
@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.