@qwertying: I bet you $4,567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
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@topaz_kell: I love horror movies until it's time to do laundry in the basement and I have to run up the stairs before a scary force pulls me back down.
@joejwest: [creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it
@stoneman67: I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, "your baby jumped out!" before she gave me the finger.
@lecalabara: Hide all your naughty entertainment on VHS. Even if your kids find it, they will not know what to do with it.