@qwertying: I bet you $4,567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
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@firebrand3: I was informed last week that "cheat day" does not mean what I thought it did. In related news: Baby, sit down. I have to tell you somethin
@Henry_3k: *Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*
@VerifiedDrunk: 2 Beers = 1 Tweet 5 Beers = 3 Tweets 9 Beers = 7 Tweets 12 Beers = 12 Tweets 24 Teers = 30 Beets
@SufficientCharm: The easiest way to confuse a man is to wear a straight jacket that accentuates your cleavage.