@SCbchbum: I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving.
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@TheGoodGodAbove: To anyone who will be spending their Valentines Day with their hand, know that you are not alone. I will be there with you, watching.
@Bownuggets: I put my slacks on just like everyone else, from a waterslide into the loving yet frighteningly powerful arms of my pet minotaur Ferdinand
@CulturedRuffian: Thankful public education taught us Algebra instead of how to do taxes. Because 2 things are certain: 1) Death 2) The Pythagorean Theorem
@DomBorrett: I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people