@juneohara65: I bought a designer body bag and now I'm scared to gain weight.
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@_gothique: What I've learned from Twitter: 1. Men are pervs 2. Women are pervs 3. Cats are pervs
@ItsAndyRyan: Interviewer: Is it true you are the first duck to be made a duke? Duck: Please address me as 'M'llard'
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner] "u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great" [stops chewing] "why does this taste like chocolate"