@TySmithdrums: I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it
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@TheRolo: [Text convo] Her: Can I come over right now? Me: [Puts entire mess in closet, puts high thread count sheets on bed & sprays Febreeze] Sure.
@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
@ohthatbadger: The year is 3426, all of humanity is extinct. Supernatural is somehow still on every week with new episodes.