@TySmithdrums: I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it
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@ShaneKnowsStuff: People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I'm stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
@MomOfTeen: Me: I need to lose my baby weight. Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest? Me: Thirteen.
@WheelTod: "First gay marriage. What's next - people marrying dogs?!" *nervous glance at dog Dog: Frank, we've been over this. I like you as a friend