@Royceda59: I bought condoms. Cashier asked if I needed a bag, I said no she's not that ugly RT @HeroinHadley:Tweet something inspirational. I need it.
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@fillthevacuum: *died in your arms tonight* *stuffed in your trunk tomorrow* *buried in the woods the day after that*
@Thedudish: Last night, a cop pulled me over. "Out of the car!" he said. Then an Indian, fireman and construction worker appeared. We danced until dawn.
@topaz_kell: And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
@IntrepidDeviant: What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?