@Royceda59: I bought condoms. Cashier asked if I needed a bag, I said no she's not that ugly RT @HeroinHadley:Tweet something inspirational. I need it.
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@Gre_Gone: *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into an optometrist* Horse: Holy shit please help me
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@That_Damn_Duck: I've never once used the "C word" in a tweet but I will now!!!! Cookie. There, happy now? You c**ts.
@Goofpoops: Watching movies with kids: If he/she hasn't seen it, eons and billions of questions. If he/she has seen it, eons and billions of spoilers.