@jimmytorosian: I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something.
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@FrenulumBreve: [at the zoo] Llama spits in my face I spit in llamas face Llama slaps me I grab llamas hair Scuffle ensues Llamas gf shouts "leave it Gary!"
@DulciePlaid: When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.
@starwarsshirt: I don't have jealousy issues, but I do have "flirt with my boyfriend one more time and I may have to cut you" issues.