@ilovepie84: I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@joejwest: DATE: You hear that an ostrich escaped from the zoo? ME: [from the kitchen] No DATE: Oh. What's for dinner? ME: A suspiciously large chicken
@TheCiscoKidder: I knew it was time to vacuum when the baby rolled over and looked like an everything bagel.