@ilovepie84: I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.
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@NintenDom: It's Facebook's 10th birthday today. Let's all click "Maybe" on the event invite and then not show up.
@Rollinintheseat: Friend: "This is the year I'm going to marry my best friend." Me: "This is the year I'm going to train my dog to come when I call him."
@CopBroughtPizza: [galileo's wife walks in] *quickly pointing the telescope from the neighbor's window to the sky* i was just studying the... phases of venus.