@GibJimson: I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008.
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@Mostly_Cheese: [diner] Waitress: What’ll it be? Me: (doing connect-the-dots in the kids menu) A giraffe, I think.
@JasonLight73: I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!
@Sally5977: If you’re wondering at what age you’ll stop messing up your life know that it’s not 40 and apparently not 50 either.