@GibJimson: I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008.
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@Leemanish: I get home late, dead tired, & see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - & I'm like, nope, I will deal w/ THIS in the morning
@danchovy: I'm the dog whisperer. I'll whisper the word "dog" 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right
@SaraMansford: Date: Do u have any allergies? Me: I'm allergic to raisins. They make me cry D: That's an unusual reaction M: They could've been wine!!
@carlyken: If your kid complains about how bored they are during winter break put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super bored!" and then fly away.