@GibJimson: I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008.
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@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS
@AlmightyBored: Me to my 18yo, who doesn't like chocolate: What do you crave when you have your period? Her: Justice.