@DeannaMarieRVA: I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. he is a small arms dealer.
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@thatdutchperson: [Court] "Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Me: yes. *GF from the back* DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
@mattsurely: *wife comes home* "Did you fix the toilet?" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] "You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"