@Darlainky: I buy seedless grapes because let’s leave the grape growing to the vineyards.
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@TheUnderfold: Wife: Sometimes women like bad boys. Me: Well I just replaced real garlic in this recipe with powdered garlic. Wife: *fans herself*
@LionJenkins: Lawyer: Your Honor, this verdict is bullshit. I'm outta here! Judge: Litigator! Lawyer: After a while crocodile.
@SteveKoehler22: Our credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it .... The thief is spending less than my wife did.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: If there is an opportunity for me to put my pants on backwards in the dark, I take it every time. Apparently.