@robfee: I call bs on the Ninja Turtles having those ripped abs. No way you could do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me Ive tried.
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@MarcusTheToken: Sometimes when people talk to me, I scream and beat my chest. It not only establishes dominance, but tells them to go away.
@murrman5: why does mommy cry when she cuts onions? "she feels guilty cuz she stole them. see *lifts son onto lap* your mother likes to steal onions"
@tchrquotes: My wife says the sweetest things in the morning like"Love you," & "DID YOU SERIOUSLY EAT ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH FOR BREAKFAST WHAT IS WRONG WI
@just1fool: Since I live my financial life under water I decided to put a "Beware of sharks" sign in my front yard.