@iGreenMonk: I can always tell when someone is lying by tying them down and strapping them to a lie detector.
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@ibid78: [interview for CIA] Your résumé says you're a master in hand-to-hand wombat. Is that a typo or- *I've already thrown a wombat at his face*
@Schroofles: I hate babies when they are crying. I hate people who love babies & think babies are cute. I hate grown up babies who make more babies.
@TheQuietPsycho: CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy