@TheBoydP: I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it's for her is to eat it. Apparently
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@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.
@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
@BrettDruck: Her: I'm so wet Him: I'm so hard Eavesdropping alien: These people are bad at describing themselves.
@Terdoh: I had a dream where children were allowed to pick their parents, and I woke up thinking "This is not The Gates' residence."