@MollySneed: I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
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@upsidedowntrash: [1st Day working at Hotel California] Guest: Id like 2 check out Me: Sure! Youre all set! G: Thanks! [Leaves] Boss: Can I see u in my office
@CM2BTTHD: The best defense against auto theft is not The Club. It's 65 empty water bottles in the back seat and a rear window full of stuffed animals.
@GingerGander: Man texted: "I want you to be my little angle." I answered: "Do you want me to be obtuse, right, or acute?" Two days have passed, no reply.