@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
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@Swishergirl24: I just found out that the only thing you need to apply for a marriage license is your ID and an idiot.
@EliTerry: WE'RE HERE. WE'RE QUEER. YOU'RE THE MAILMAN. I'M ED QUEER. THIS IS MY FAMILY. WE JUST MOVED IN. I'LL SIGN FOR THE PACKAGE. SORRY IM YELLING.
@totmessmom: We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.
@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "mingle" to "mangle," and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party.