@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
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@Dorkstress: Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!!
@TheHyyyype: [commandos infiltrating enemy fortress] COMMANDO 1: uh oh, we've got company! COMMANDO 2: damn *opens wine and begins to set table*
@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
@squirrel74wkgn: [alien wobbles out of spacecraft] "Take me to your leader" [30 minutes later] Me: So, this is my wife...