@myles_morrison: I can tell everything I need to know about your business by the thickness of your bathroom toilet paper.
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@NervousJr: Boss: "late again I see" Brain: think of a good excuse! Mouth: "your moms late." Brain: wow....
@MountainDouche: My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one.
@SlenderSwab: Screamed in horror as I woke to find two severed horse heads in my bed, but then laughed remembering I hadn't removed the one from yesterday