@ericsshadow: I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
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@garrydavenport: I name photos of me stroking animals in files called "Fireworks and big dogs.jpg" so my cats won't find them on my computer.
@Leemanish: HOW TO JOG: 1. Put on jogging outfit. 2. Go outside. 3. Imagine a cow galloping down the street. 4. Try to milk that cow.
@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping
@ChipKellysBalls: Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies ...