@ericsshadow: I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.
@brennadine: "NO YOU'RE DRUNK," she says playfully into the mirror, then promptly resumes disappointing her boyfriend's mom at family dinner.
@Mr_Kapowski: My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
@NerishaLakha: I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.