@WheelTod: I can't afford an electric toothbrush, so I just roll a baby hedgehog in some toothpaste and hold in it my mouth for 15 minutes.
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@UNTRESOR: Trump wants to ban Muslims but if we learned anything from Prohibition it's that people will just make Muslims in their bathtubs.
@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.