@dubstep4dads: i cant believe ashton kutcher made the apple computer and iphones. thank you ashton
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@AndrewNadeau0: You can just tell people you're writing a novel even if you're not. There will not be follow up questions.
@TheBoydP: Coworker: Did you spank your sons? Me: Not a lot Coworker: What about your wife? Me: Yes, I spanked her all the time Coworker: ...
@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.