@AudreyPorne: I can't believe I shaved my toes for this
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@CommonSavant: Mom: Why can't you be successful like your brother? Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes
@iwearaonesie: the hardest part of your wife going into labor is everyone interrupts the movie by asking questions
@LOsepyan: If those Amazon drones can really get to your house in 30 minutes then condoms are about to become their #1 selling item.
@NakedWhiteAss: Hey guys, which cell phone provider drops the most calls? I need to get one for my mom.