@AudreyPorne: I can't believe I shaved my toes for this
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@cwhudson: SURGEON: hold on, i just need to YouTube this part of the procedure PHONE: *unskippable ad plays* NURSE: he's dyin SURGEON: ah crap, hold on
@timdonakowski: Do you sell bloodpants? "Nope" Shitpants? "Nope" Droolpants? "Nope" Sweatpants? "Right this way..."
@bourgeoisalien: [robber breaks into my house] i always knew you'd come for me, my darling. where are you going