@dmc1138: I can't believe these kids at this lemonade stand expect me to provide my own vodka.
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@stonedcoldlazy: Since Canada isn't making the penny anymore-did the price of a thought just go up to a nickel?
@CopBroughtPizza: [galileo's wife walks in] *quickly pointing the telescope from the neighbor's window to the sky* i was just studying the... phases of venus.
@VanGobot: BANK EMPLOYEE: *chasing me* sir! you can't leave with that! ME: *running w/ a pen w/ a chain still attached* I BROUGHT IT WITH ME FROM HOME!
@asimplesean: Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.