@theshamingofjay: I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
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@PULPKetchup: First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because...you know...rules.
@Adam14: My new bowflex comes tomorrow...so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know.
@007Rex_Inc: Niece: I like math M: 5 X 1? N: 5 M: *takes out phone* right N:You're using your phone? M: I got a text N: I didnt hear a sound *runs away*
@notacroc: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac