@jordan_stratton: I can't imagine a better slogan for a glasses company than, "Buy our glasses if you ever want to see your children again."
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@MomOnFire: Them: You're burnt out. Me: Yes. T: You need a break M: Yes. T: I'm worried. M: Okay. Will you watch my kids for a minute? T: Hell no.
@LeBearGirdle: God: okay so manatees, no necks on them, like wet potatoes Angel: yes sir, and what shall I do with all the excess necks? God: *smiles and looks over at the giraffe* YOU! Angel: sir pls, he can't possibly have al- God: ALL THE NECKS!
@BrianIncognito: I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *