@jordan_stratton: I can't imagine a better slogan for a glasses company than, "Buy our glasses if you ever want to see your children again."
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@MattOswaltVA: saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ
@envydatropic: A woman was charged with stalking after sending 65,000 text messages. Which one of you was it?
@fapanislives: Fun Fact: I love it when Americans whose Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather emigrated from Ireland say "I'm Irish". No.