@amandajpanda: I can't RSVP until I know the wifi situation at your event.
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@Ginlicker: Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!
@LauraBenanti: I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom.
@pinupteacher: [Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid.