@nedostup: I can't stand lactose intolerant people who work at ice cream parlors. They can dish it out but they can't take it.
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@peeznuts: Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed. Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there.
@Tommytoughstuff: IMPROV PERFORMER: I need a suggestion. PERSON (from the back) BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER! IP: Okay, someone that's not my wife.
@mstern68: If you were my gf, I'd have a warm bath and a meal ready for when you got home every day Her: I'm your wife Like I said, if you were my gf