@CherBear162: I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
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@DanMentos: [nabisco hq] "Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas" *raises hand* "anyone else?" … … "ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-" Wheat Thicks
@MrGeorgeWallace: I'm just sayin', corn dogs are gonna have to pick a side when the shit goes down between corn and dogs.
@iresurfaced: I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes.
@davetureq: Ever since they started calling pole dancers "artists," I've been writing on my resume that my talents include "moving in artistic circles."