@0point5twins: I choose toothpaste NOT recommended by dentists… those sneaky tooth-fiddlers have a lot to gain from promoting one that doesn't work.
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@simoncholland: Apparently it is "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
@panmidwest: How selfish am I? Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share.
@imdaintyaf: I'm sorry I punched you in the face when you said "I love you". Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister.
@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.