@0point5twins: I choose toothpaste NOT recommended by dentists… those sneaky tooth-fiddlers have a lot to gain from promoting one that doesn't work.
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@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?
@XAIMMadellynne: I was having a good day until my imaginary friend stole my coloring book & crayons & he demands $100 for their return. What a stressful day!
@_Kim_Jongun: My latest missile blew up on the launch pad. But it exploded so fast Americav couldn't tell what type it was. I'm not telling. Checkmate.