@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@causticbob: What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.
@inigoomontoya: I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again
@primawesome: Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.
@jessforaminute: Lick the corner of your mouth. The corner. JUST the CORNER. God damn it Diane do you want to be America's Next Top Model or the Hamburglar