@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
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@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.
@TheMichaelRock: CW: It's gonna get cold! Me: You're gonna die. CW: Excuse me? Me: Sorry, I thought we were pointing out the obvious.
@Doh573: Cartoons lied to me as a child. I was lead to believe quicksand was going to be a much larger problem in life.
@5exyunchained: A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she's homeless.