@Treadknicious: I could NOT have put it better myself.
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@panmidwest: [world series game 1] Wife: where are our seats? Hamlet: 2b... Wife: there are people there Hamlet: or not 2b
@Shade510: Actually resolved an argument between my wife and my 16 year-old daughter. Now being deployed to the Middle East to broker peace.
@ArfMeasures: Gang Leader: If you wanna join, you need to prove you're fearless Me: People ask me to social events and I actually go Gang Leader: *takes step back* holy shit