@wittwitbarista: Dear diary, Today I learned drinking electrolytes does not give you electrical powers. must now find other ways to become a super villainess

@ClearlyUnwell: I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.

@Donna_McCoy: I can easily make lemonade, but I have no idea what to do when life gives me a fitted sheet.

@audipenny: I like how your profile picture is you at your wedding, so are you like a professional bride

@audipenny: friend: let's meet up soon me: *in the crow's nest of a ship docking outside your house* when though