@LuvPug: I could probably survive about a week in the wilderness eating only the food I spill on my shirt any given day.
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@shutupmikeginn: You learn something new everyday. Yesterday I learned eating 29 SlimJims gives me diarrhea. Today I learned eating 28 also gives me diarrhea
@TylerLinkin: My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
@callie_cakes: Pro Tip: Don't EVER tell a 10yr old boy that you don't "get" X-Men. Because. They. Will. Explain. It.
@radtoria: Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child.