@LuvPug: I could probably survive about a week in the wilderness eating only the food I spill on my shirt any given day.
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@sonictyrant: ME, a cowboy: *gallops heroically into town* SHERIFF: can i help you, son? ME: has..*sweating profusely* has anybody seen my horse?
@SteveSuckington: [high school reunion] "Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?" No that was Tyler.
@KentWGraham: Wife snake: Did you eat the last rat? Husband snake (shape of rat in stomach): What rat?
@TenaciousTess: Me: carry my bags plz. I'm practically a trophy wife. Husband: participation trophy Touché husband Touché