@silvertongue37: I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse.
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@Parentpains: Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.
@philEfanaddict: [1st Date] Her: I've had a hysterectomy Him: I've had a vasectomy Her: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Him: You gonna eat those fries?
@internetluke: "STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG" I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. "This is NOTHING like Twilight!!"