@Awk0Tacoo: I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?
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@sucittaM: If people who made meth called themselves methematicians it would probably be a more respected occupation.
@ShoutingGoddess: One day we'll open Twitter & it'll just say: Thanks for playing! Hope you enjoyed this social experiment. Now apologise to your loved ones.
@PaperWash: Giving someone a Dunkin Donuts gift certificate for their birthday is the perfect way to say "I love you" and "I hate you" at the same time
@politicalmath: I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters.