@Awk0Tacoo: I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?
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@trevso_electric: Between hating pork and launching themselves into enemy structures, Al Qaeda were the original Angry Birds.
@ericsshadow: FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind
@TheTimmyToes: *thousands of puppies flooding onto the battlefield* General: "STAY STRONG, MEN!" *soldiers just petting puppies everywhere*
@just1fool: I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza.