@TwoSapphiresBlu: I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates.
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@notacroc: PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu
@markedly: My teenage son Filbert was ejected from the Young Republicans for naming his pet lizard Bernie Salamanders. You bet your buns he's grounded.
@WetzelGeek: My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.