@Not_From_Troy: I cry when I cut my carrots because I don't want my onions to feel awkward.
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@Jesssicle: Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone's house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: It looks like you work out ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer