@Not_From_Troy: I cry when I cut my carrots because I don't want my onions to feel awkward.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ElizaBayne: Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW
@pharmasean: [in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang
@TheDairylandDon: Dammit, phone. It's always been 'this' and never 'thus.' I've got clumsy sausage fingers, not a conclusion to my dissertation.
@Mitchoacan: Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun.