@BaconHuffer: I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power.
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@timdonakowski: *stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*
@_Justin_Stepien: I'm so much like a noodle when I shower. sit in hot water for 7-8 minutes and become soft, squishy, and delicious afterwards
@ChrisScarlette: [being robbed] Me: careful.. I'm ARMED *whips out bible Robber: lol *pulls gun out of bible R: oh *pulls smaller bible out of gun
@Brampersandon_: [soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!