@Lunatic_times: I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.
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@SortaBad: [babysitting] Ok well sorry I threw all your kid's toys into the ocean but maybe next time be more clear if you suggest we have a tea party
@lecalabara: "The 59th rule of Fight Club is, we cant park in the lot on Vermont anymore - The owner is being a jerk. Just find street parking. 60th..."
@timdonakowski: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day.
@pixelatedboat: The problem with millennials is they were taught to look up to Pokemon not *struggles to think of a thing old people respect* Mussolini