@Lunatic_times: I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.
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@brianbowman73: There's a doctor here to see you. Doctor who? No, I think it's a non time traveling one.
@_wendyb07: Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I'm leaving.
@Carbosly: Have we tried unplugging coma victims and plugging them in again? Works for my computer.
@Book_Krazy: New neighbor: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Me: It's nice to meet you too. This is my daughter, 9 Neighbor: What's your Twitter @ Me: DAMMIT