@KentTheG: I dated a meteorologist once just so I could be with a woman who wasn't right all the time.
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@MiahSaint: Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
@neiltyson: While eating as a guest at other people’s homes, I’m thinking their dogs are genetically obligated to-convince you they’ve never, ever been fed.
@Ivsy01: Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you're outside and they walk by.
@EliTerry: Many people are surprised to hear I'm married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night.