@KentTheG: I dated a meteorologist once just so I could be with a woman who wasn't right all the time.
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@Breadery: When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram.
@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
@FattMernandez: I can never tell if my cat left a dead bird at my door, or if it's the dead bird I ordered from Amazon.