@BlairLoudly: I decided to watch The Conjuring alone in a dark apartment and now I'm not allowed to make my own decisions anymore.
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@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers
@DomesticGoddss: I have been successfully sitting in chairs for over 40 years without falling off--a skill I apparently didn't pass on to my boys.
@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.
@cwhudson: [at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS