@ieatanddrink: "I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"
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@Beatonm5: Next time someone asks you how you slept, close your eyes & say “like this” & just stay that way for like 8 hours!!!
@einsteinsexual: Stereotypes are just like regular types, except every time someone almost kills me, while I'm driving, it's an Asian person.
@mansizedthumbs: Little did he know that his foot powered filing system would have made him billions if he had only thought of a better name - The Ped-o-file