@Not_From_Troy: I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: "How the hell did you get into my house?"
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@KenJennings: I subscribe to Groupon because it's good to know which nearby restaurants have mediocre food & will probably be out of business soon.
@shawnspree: Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and the world wants you to stop looking at your phone and drive.
@omgthatspunny: This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.