@Tw1tter_K1tten: I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.
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@JasonLastname: Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
@solikebasically: One time a cute guy I liked mooned his friend as a prank but there was a tiny piece of toilet paper in his crack & it haunts me to this day
@UNTRESOR: The inventor of the USB cable died recently. They're still trying to figure out which way to put his casket in the ground.