@WilliamAder: Are iPads supposed to be red with two white knobs on the bottom?

@MariyaAlexander: People think I'm a good listener but I'm really just solid at nodding

@GianDoh: All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast.

@PyrBliss: I'm no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it's 4AM and I'm making up words again.

@DaddyJew: *sees gf upset* Me: she looks mad, I should say something Brain: lol tell her she's overreacting Me: ok