@joeldanger: Every birthday is a surprise party after you turn 80.

@Shadez: Friend nagged me for TDKR OST. Renamed Backstreet Boys song and mailed them to him. Fun.

@fro_vo: Doctor: you're never too old to start exercising Me: cool thanks i'll start in maybe like 15 years then

@InternetHippo: What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds…w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]

@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.