@trevso_electric: I didn't flan on getting divorced and now my wife wants custardy and she's pudding our kids in the middle :(
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@kumailn: The Devil has his own Bible. He's releasing it slowly in internet comment threads all across the web.
@TheDailySchmuck: They say all of this started because Eve ate an apple. Clearly, the book was altered. Everyone knows it had to be chocolate.
@BangMyBongo: Asking your mom, "Will there be any pretty girls coming?" Is a good way of getting out of going to your family reunion..